Friendships, our last resorts when everything else stops making sense. What does one do when friendships are lost?
I don’t have the answer. I have had this feeling of loss over months. This is me trying to find an outlet for my pain. Maybe this will heal me. Just Maybe, it will heal some of you.
We build and nurture these friendships over the years. Some friends come from schools, some from college. Some work colleagues become lifelong friends. Other times you find friends in your family members too.
For me, friends are people with whom I can feel safe. I can express what I am feeling without feeling judged. My emotions can run naked. I have had such friends over the years and, then I lose the friendship as if the relationship itself becomes the chore for them. A mundane routine, which you don’t enjoy doing.
I don’t know the reason. Maybe our moral grounds or definition of our shared beliefs are changed. Some have labeled me from the opposite Political camp and distanced themselves. Can your moral values come between your friendships? Should they come between your friendships? I think they can because your moral values define your worldview of Right vs Wrong and those values don’t remain the same. They evolve as We do in life. We take some and leave some moral values all through our lives and, mostly it is the reason that We start being different persons though our friendships started from the same point. As my friend Sukhada from Twitterverse says that ‘You can outgrow’.
Over time, I felt that many of these friendships had become one-sided. One side trying to remember everything, celebrate good days, even attempting to start conversations but, one-word replies don’t help in conversations, especially in friendships that enjoyed long deeper talks in the past. Was I dragging them to maintain the relationship which they didn’t want? Maybe. Only they can tell.
You might argue that people are busy and forget things. I would say it’s more about priorities. As an experiment, I stopped being the person who would send the first message. Do you know how many people noticed? Just two. I experimented to see if I was making up the things in my head but numbers told me otherwise.
The number did hurt me, but aren’t we all here in this life to get hurt? Life has its ways to teach the lessons which We must learn and it keeps you showing the mirror until you realise the truth. I can learn the lessons but that doesn’t stop me from missing, from reminiscing. Both can go hand in hand, I believe. It is just funny that even after being ghosted by some people, I keep going back.
Sweet is the memory of distant friends! Like the mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart.
I miss deeper conversations. I miss holding my phone, close to my ear and talk for so long that the phone line will cut itself and you have to re-dial. I miss listening to the voices of my friends. I miss being heard. I miss being not just a contact in their contact list. I miss them. I miss the connection.
I miss the moral grounds We shared, once upon a time.