Are You Responsible for a Shame Culture?

Recently, there had been quite a few events of shaming women for just being themselves. I am not going to go through the list. It’s always the society who decides what is good for us. Isn’t? Be it, how we laugh, how we dress and what we drink. To be honest, I get really angry when I read such news. When was the last time when a man’s way of laughing made to news headlines?

Women are always told to cover. Whether they need to cover their mouth and giggle in meek voices or they need to cover their bodies else they will be gawked. They need to behave lady-like. Was there a way defined ever about a man’s good behaviour?

How did a person choose to laugh? Is that even your business?

I wanted this post to be anti-men but then I changed my mind but, since we live in a World which believes in shame culture so it would be good to talk about few shameful behaviours. Shall we just talk about few things which adults should be ashamed of? You can replace the word adults with any gender because these things are not bound to a gender. It’s your mind where these are specific to a gender. Here goes my list. You should be ashamed of yourself if :

You can’t cook scrumptious food.

Well, as a grown-up man or woman, if you are not able to feed yourself or someone else, it’s kind of not cool. Food is essential for survival and if you don’t know the art for your own survival, it sucks and please don’t give me the reasoning of ‘money can hire cooks‘ because let’s be real, those cooks go on holidays too.

The rudimentary phenomenon of women and only women should cook the family dinner should make you feel small. I once heard a male acquaintance saying that lady of the house should not fall sick because then you need to order food.

You think you are helping your better half by doing household work.

If you are running the errands and want your better half to thank you for that, let me remind you that the house you are living in, is yours too. So, how do exactly doing chores in your own house owe anything? Oh right, you were never told to learn it in the first place because you belong to another half of society.

shame-women-culture

You can’t take care of your child like your other half.

What is the difference between a mother and a father after the child is born? No, I am not asking about the differences or set patterns defined by our always-shaming society and culture. The real difference is being a father you can’t nurse your child. Everything else can be done by you. Just providing money is not enough because a mother can do that too if child’s father behaves like truly equal partner.

You can’t respect the choices of another person. That person might be of same/opposite sex.

Now, this is utterly shameful behaviour and we see that in our daily lives. A man can enjoy a pint of beer but a woman should not be drinking it. Right?

A woman might or might not want to wear saree but a man could tell how unacceptable behaviour is that for an Indian woman. How does a stay at home mom judge someone who chose to be a working mom? Did I give enough examples?

It’s not freedom if half of the society decides what the other half of society should do.

You can’t respect someone’s eating preferences because those are not aligned with your so-called cultural/religious beliefs.

If you can’t respect someone based on their eating/drinking preferences, You should be ashamed of yourself.

Karma is best served in your vary life but unfortunately not on a plate.

You shouldn’t eat non-veg food because it takes you to hell. As per this, half of India and majority of other countries should go to hell. No, my friend, let me tell you a little secret here. Karma is best served in your vary life but unfortunately not on a plate.

You shouldn’t consume alcohol because it doesn’t suit the man-made culture. And the joke of the millennium is, for the same culture, a drunk man is ok but not a drunk woman.

You can’t respect other religions.

I can’t forget the WhatsApp messages that float around festive seasons in Indian WhatsApp family groups. It deserves a post of its own. How can you not be ashamed of yourself if you write or share such content on any platform? Why is it so difficult to maintain the decorum? Why do you need to fight over which religion is better when every religion teaches humanity first?

Holi is not better than Eid, Vaisakhi or Christmas. Every festival is a chance to be happy.

You leave the world in a worse place than you found.

Oh, this is my favourite. It’s not even remotely funny how we whine away our lives in ‘chalta hai’ attitude? You come into this World and enjoy everything. Forget about changing anything for betterment, you make it worse. And, to be very sure, I am talking about social change here, not your ‘cooler-to-airconditioner’ upgrade for your personal luxury.

I had discussions with people who were fighting over firecracker ban because the only way, they could celebrate the festival was by bursting firecracker. Also, the same people were parents of a six months old baby. If the government is not doing anything, We should make it worse because we will die in 40 years and anyway, who gives a damn about the future generation. Right?

If you can’t rise above yourself and do anything to make this world a little better with each passing day, your life is literally worthless.

Next time, before you decide on someone’s behaviour, just remove those gender lenses. It will help you see more neutrally and probably you will contribute towards a gender-neutral society. A win for you as well.

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